Let's Wear a Smile
by LavenderPotato
Summary: Kenny's recent death affects him mentally and he just has to put on a fake smile.
1. Chapter 1

Morning came like an unpleasant cramping in his stomach. Mornings were always an unpleasant cramping in Kenny's stomach. His room was cold, his blanket felt gross, he felt gross, everything felt gross, his room always smelled a little like sour cream. Tossing over, he stared at his wall, just able to make out his own name scribbled in messy crayon just above the bed. When he was just learning how to write, he got a little crazy with his crayons one day and scribbled his name everywhere. There was no paper left, so he went for the wall. Ever since then, he's woken up to the sight of his own name.

But, that's okay. It's like a friendly reminder that he's back. Most of the time when he wakes up freezing in that bed, he's just woken up from dying.

Death was common for him, death was inevitable, but that was okay. Everything was okay. He'd seen his name and it made him aware he's back. For some reason, it made him feel empty, but that's a familiar feeling. Familiar is...good, for him anyway.

Dying was never something he could get used to. After experiencing death so many times through childhood up through his teenaged years, it still never ceased to amaze him how many times he could die and maybe see Heaven, or maybe see Hell, and still wake up in his bed, shaking and breaking into a cold sweat after being shot in the head, or decapitated, or smashed into a tree by a truck.

Last night was a particularly bad death. No death was a good death, but some were at least faster than others which made them more bearable to cope with. Thinking about it made him embarrassed at himself for getting into that situation, and he tightened his coat around his own face to hide, even though there was no one in the room with him, he still felt like someone was watching him.

To be blunt, he was fucking someone. Kenny liked sex. Every once in awhile he would hook up with someone, girl or guy, it didn't matter. If aliens visited more often, he would probably fuck one of them too if he had the opportunity, but last night he was fucking an older man who offered to pay him. It wasn't unusual for Kenny to charge people for his services, but it was either that, or go a few days without lunch money from his pathetic parents. Asking them never yielded any success, so he either set himself up for prostitution, found loose change on the street, or did some jobs during the weekend like mowing his neighbor's lawn or something. Offering sex in exchange for money was generally more successful for him. He didn't care what people did to him.

He blew men, he ate out girls, he topped, he bottomed, he role-played, he did whatever degrading thing they wanted to do to him, and usually he liked it. There wasn't a whole lot Kenny wasn't open-minded to, but something about last night just didn't go right.

The man knew beforehand he would be charged for Kenny's services. He said before he even put his dick in his mouth it would be about twenty, and would cost extra if the guy wanted to go further. Kenny didn't care really. Once he got started and the guy came in his mouth (Kenny didn't even know his name), he started pulling Kenny's clothes off without another word. Kenny assumed this meant he would be getting a fatter wad of bills and went along with it, assuming position and allowing it to happen. He enjoyed it, even if the guy was a little rough and came too fast, it didn't matter. Kenny usually masturbated later after his sessions anyway if he couldn't get off. If he charged people, then it was never about him, it had to be about getting them off, or he wouldn't be paid.

Once the man was through and Kenny lay on his stomach, pushing himself up onto his elbows for support, it was time to discuss payment. However, once the words "you owe me about a hundred" came out, the man went fucking crazy.

"I DONT OWE YOU SHIT, YOU LITTLE FUCK!" More obscenities, following by slurring and Kenny inwardly reeled when he realized the man was drunk or something. It didn't even occur to him before, but he was in the zone and was only thinking about fucking and money. "YOU CALL THAT SLOP JOB YOU DID A BLOW? YOU CHOKED BEFORE YOU SWALLOWED AND YOU EXPECT ME TO PAY TWENTY FOR THAT. YOU PROBABLY GOT HERPES OR SOME SHIT TOO YOU DIDN'T EVEN OFFER ME A CONDOM BEFORE I FUCKED YOU!"

It was a typical customer being an absolute entitled asshole moment, which Kenny had dealt with before, but the guy was drunk and before Kenny could come back with an argument, the man's hands were wrapped around his throat and he was squeezing.

Kenny had been choked to death before, but even then in the face of death, it scared him. It still scared him and he didn't know why. It was a familiar feeling, so why?

When the man's hands weren't letting up and Kenny wasn't getting any air, he felt himself trying to choke out something, anything to make him stop, even though it was futile. He was going to die. Dying was familiar, but it _always _scared him, it _always _freaked him out. He would never get used to blacking out. He would never get used to the feeling of a slow and painful death, of his heart racing so hard in his chest it felt like it would explode, of the panic he felt when he tried to mentally reason with himself that it wouldn't happen, when he knew god damn well it would.

There was no remorse in the man's face when he tightened his grip, and Kenny wasn't going to get any air. He'd been reduced to a crippling mess of flailing limbs while on his back as the man pushed him down and straddled him, only strangling him that much more by crushing him with his weight.

If he had any resistance before, it was gone. Maybe there never was any, because Kenny knew he would die over and over, so maybe after so many deaths, he'd finally just given up. He could feel his body going limp when there was no air. There would not be any air. Everything finally went black.

And now he was sitting up in his bed, his face red from remembering how he'd died the night before. Reaching through his parka, he touched at his own neck, feeling how hot the skin there was. It was so embarrassing to die that way. Not just to be murdered by a drunk, but to have blown a drunk, gotten fucked by a drunk, and never paid by a drunk. He felt cheated. At least he deserved money for going through all that shit. Groaning to himself, he hid his face in his hands, again not that anyone was there to see, but just from self embarrassment. The next time he had sex, he had to remember not to fucking fuck an asshole who'd just stumbled out of a bar. God, he could be so stupid sometimes, but he'd gotten greedy. Thinking of having cash in his pocket could really turn off all his fucking common sense systems.

The sky started to light up outside his window and he knew he would have to start getting ready for school in a little bit, but didn't he deserve a day off? He got fucking strangled last night. Skipping was the least of his worries. Nobody would remember him dying, even if he got shot right in front of them, but the thought of it would still pester him enough all day where he wouldn't be able to concentrate. Taking a day off after he died at least helped him recover a little, if that could even be considered recovering.

Standing from bed, he took his parka off and looked at his neck in a nearby mirror on his wall. There were no bruises or markings indicating he'd even been strangled in the first place, but there were never any scars or wounds from his deaths. He could have been decapitated, his limbs torn off and his skeleton removed and he would still wake up completely like new in his bed.

Sometimes he wish he could have scars or bruises or something to show he had been hurt so his friends would at least start believing he wasn't crazy, but he wasn't that fortunate and never would be. Honestly, when he was younger, the first time he died, he really did think he was insane. He thought he dreamt the whole thing, because nobody believed him and there was nothing that proved he did die.

He spent most of his first year in fourth grade thinking it was one huge nightmare. He died almost everyday in fourth grade, and every time he would run to his mom in tears saying he was dying, he'd been run over by a car, or something, and she would just look at him like he was insane, and he really did start believing he was insane. With no one on his side, he felt like he was alone, and honestly, he was. It was just him. Just Kenny.

It continued all through his life, and he knew it would keep continuing. He would never stop dying and coming back, but that was okay. It wasn't okay, because dying wasn't okay, but it was still okay. He would be extra careful and still die. He would stop caring and still die. It didn't matter what he did, how he lived his life, eventually, Kenny was going to die some way or another, and all he could do was accept it.

Thinking about it made him depressed sometimes. He was depressed right now. He didn't want to stay home all day thinking about this just to lock himself in his room and do nothing. It would do no good. It never did any good. Kenny had been depressed before, so much that he was suicidal, but he had to laugh at that thought, because even if he killed himself, he still came back. It didn't matter if he hung himself or shot his own brains out, he woke up in bed, staring at his name written on the wall in crayon. Being suicidal when you're immortal was rhetorical. He could still be sad, but what good did it do him?

One of the things that he thought about a lot was what would happen when he was an old man. Would he die of old age and keep coming back? Would he simply stop aging one day and live forever? He never really researched what immortals did, since he was still just a kid. Being seventeen was a kid, and he still had things to experience. It worried him, and he laughed at himself over worrying about it. Teenagers worried over passing their tests and getting all their homework done and making it to school on time and carrying all their books out of their locker and keeping in touch with their friends and Kenny worried about living forever.

Why did he have to worry about living forever? It stressed him out. He didn't want to live forever. Maybe if he stopped aging one day, his friends would finally fucking believe him about not being able to die, but he didn't want to wait until he was an old man for them to finally listen to him. He didn't know anything about immortals, all he knew was that he was a teenager, he could still age, but he'd been dying since he was eight years old and he was never going to actually die.

An alarm went off in the room next to his and brought him out of his thoughts. Karen's little Disney princess alarm thing was loud and annoying, ringing with a high-pitched song from one of the movies. He didn't know what song it was. He hadn't watched Disney movies with her in awhile. Maybe he should. He hadn't spent much time with her lately. He'd been so preoccupied with having sex with strangers the past few months he'd almost forgotten he had siblings he needed to provide for.

Karen was still in a princess phase and he kind of hoped she never got out of it. She was almost fourteen and was in love with everything pink and princess. When they were younger, she would come into his room at night and beg him to play dress up with her, which he almost too eagerly obliged to. He liked putting dresses on. Mostly fishnets. And makeup. And wigs. Karen would paint his nails and put bows in his wigs and make his dresses so pretty and he would brush her hair and put a headband on her and they would compete who was the prettiest princess.

Sometimes at school he still wore pink panties, but nobody knew about it. Sometimes he painted his nails too, but people either didn't notice or didn't care, or he wore his gloves most of the time. They were usually MANLY colors like black or something. He liked painting them purple or blue, but that was on rare occasions.

Sometimes when he was alone in his room he would put dresses on. He still had wigs stashed in his closet, and his absolute favorite was the wig he wore when he was Princess Kenny. He still had the little dress for it too, but he was too big to fit in it. Even when he was ten, he enjoyed dressing in drag, and it carried on into his teens. When he got too old for it, he gave it to Karen who squealed at the thought of wearing a princess dress her brother had paraded around in. It was her treasure until she too grew out of it.

Now it sat hanging unused in his closet. It only served as a reminder for when he and his friends were ten and ran around playing with sticks.

"Kenny?" Karen's small, shy voice brought him out of his thoughts and he turned to see his sister already dressed for school. He didn't even need to ask her what she wanted, just by looking at her face, it was obvious. "I can't find Mom or Dad."

Ugh. This meant he had to go to school. Always, Kenny felt the weight of providing for his siblings falling onto him. Even though Kevin was older, he wasn't mentally capable of taking care of them, much less himself. With all the smoking and drinking their mom did when she was pregnant, Kenny wasn't surprised in the least his brother wound up being mentally handicapped, and he wound up being fucking immortal. Their mom only decided to shape up when Karen came along and even then, after she was born, it was right back to drinking and smoking, just like always.

All he could do was sigh to himself. "I'll be right there." He didn't feel like doing anything with himself, all he could think of was god dammit, he had died against last night and he kept wishing it would be the last time, as he put on some shoes and that stupid ratty parka he'd been wearing since he was fourteen. Of course, he'd grown out of the orange one he'd had from fourth grade up till about sixth grade. This was just another one he found in a thrift store for like five dollars.

It was snowing when he and Karen walked outside. They still had to walk to the bus stop everyday since he didn't have his license yet. Maybe if his parents would stop fighting each other and disappearing long enough, he could stop them to ask to be taught, but it didn't matter when he thought about it honestly. He would probably live forever until the world ended, so really, he had all the time in the world to learn how to drive.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he burrowed inside his coat for warmth, complaining to himself about how cold it always was. The clouds were dark, it was dark and wet, and snowing, and cold as fuck, and he had been strangled to death the night before. He didn't want to fucking be out here.

He was seriously contemplating leaving Karen at the bus stop and promising to pick her up later that afternoon so he could just _not be there_, but a car rolled up beside them and the rumbling engine brought him out of his annoyance. The passenger window rolled down and from where he was, Kenny could feel the fucking heat from inside the car slap him in the god damn face and he already hated who was behind the wheel mocking him like this. "You guys look cold."

That nasally voice could be picked out of a crowd anywhere, and Kenny didn't have to bend down to look in the driver's side to say, "No shit, Sherlock."

Already, they were arguing. He and Craig barely said two words to each other at school, and already, they were fucking arguing. "Well Jesus Christ, I was going to be nice to you and offer you a ride, but if you have a stick shoved _that _far up your ass, then never mind."

"If you wanted to offer me a ride out of the goodness of your heart, then you should have fucking asked if we wanted a ride, not a god damn obvious smart ass comment like HAHAH, YOU GUYS LOOK COLD, WOW. LOOK AT ALL THIS GOD DAMN SNOW."

Kenny got flipped off for that one before the argument continued with, "This is why nobody at school hangs out with you, you fucking self-centered asswipe."

"At least I don't sound like I constantly have a fucking cold, like someone literally shoved two tampons up my nose-" Before they could continue bickering, Karen shoved Kenny in his ribs, which made Craig laugh and he made some sort of comment, something neither of them could hear, but would surely have gotten more swears from Kenny.

"Can we _please_? Please? I'm so cold I can't feel my feet. Just say you're sorry."

And now he really felt like a gigantic asshole because he had been complaining the whole time, but Karen was the one wearing worn down sneakers with holes in them. God, he was a giant asshole. They were poor as shit and nothing would change that.

"God dammit." At least Craig hadn't driven off yet. He was still there, looking only slightly amused, because he knew what was coming. God dammit. Kenny would do anything for Karen though. He bit his lip before swallowing." I'm sorry, can we please ride with you?"

Thank Jesus in Heaven Craig wasn't a sadist like Cartman was and tormented him with it. After a simple, "Okay, get in," that was that. They were in a warm car, out of the fucking cold, the feeling coming back to their feet, and Karen looked much happier. Kenny sat in the back seat with Karen, feeling a little awkward and out of place, but feeling maybe Karen would have felt awkward by herself too. It gave him a view of watching Craig shift gears. He never watched anyone drive stick shift before. It was oddly fascinating, like watching someone do Math. "You could have sat up here." And that was a little awkward. Kenny didn't know what to do. He and Craig's only interaction were maybe being partners in a project once in awhile, maybe saying hi in the lunch room once in awhile, but they weren't what he considered friends. The whole situation was awkward.

"I'm fine back here." His face got hot with embarrassment. He couldn't stop thinking about how he fucking died last night, even though no one could have known about it, and even if they did, they wouldn't remember. The guy who choked him didn't remember he had murdered someone by now. He might have remembered fucking him, but Kenny didn't know. It wasn't like he'd ever see him again. Kenny couldn't even remember what he looked like now.

It was weird seeing Craig eye him from the rearview mirror, like his parents used to, especially his dad. Always watching in the mirror to make sure the kids weren't fucking around or messing up the car. It was so weird, and seeing Craig's face in the mirror like that made the situation even more uncomfortable. Jesus. "Suit yourself." Finally, he fucking started to drive off. They probably wasted five minutes having this stupid conversation with each other. Kenny and Karen could have made it to the god damn bus stop by now. On the other hand, they would have also still been freezing, so he guessed he was at least thankful for that. For Karen. He didn't care about himself. God, he was so fucking pathetic, it was unreal.

Karen clung to him like glue for a few minutes, as she was visibly uncomfortable, but he just put his arm around her in reassurance. It was quiet in the car, the only sound being the heater running and the radio playing muffled music that Craig had turned down.

Finally, Kenny decided to break the silence. Just something, anything. It was too awkward. "Why'd you stop for us?" It might have issued another argument, but hell, it would have been better than silence.

The answer was quick and oddly non sarcastic which he didn't expect it to be. "Because it's cold as hell and you guys were like the only two people on the street."

Karen was now a little more relaxed and bobbing her legs back and forth in rhythm with the muffled music playing. "Thanks! My feet were so cold."

It was like Craig had never gotten a compliment before and didn't know how to react. His shoulders bunched up and he turned his head away to the side, mumbling, "welcome" just loud enough for them to hear. Kenny could see his face turning red from the rearview mirror. Aww, that was adorable, he had to think in a sort of demeaning way. He could swear at him all day and get no rise out of him, just a middle finger, but his fourteen-year-old sister was able to make Craig uncomfortable.

The rest of the ride was silent, but Kenny tried not to think of his recent death and stared out the window instead, watching the snow and storm clouds that kept piling onto one another. Jesus, they should have canceled school if it was going to get this bad. People may have been used to driving in the snow in South Park, but that didn't meant they liked it any better.

Finally, the high school came into sight, and Craig pulled up to the front of the school rather than head to the student parking lot. Kenny kind of figured that was code for something, because why do that if he wasn't going to get out with them?

Karen didn't seem to notice anything and grabbed her backpack before climbing out, Kenny stepping behind her. He left the car door open. He didn't want Craig driving off without him. He knew he was going to leave, because why drive up here? Keeping his foot in the door, he gave his sister a quick hug before she thanked Craig one more time (getting yet another mumbled "welcome") and ran toward the building.

More or less the second she turned her back to him, Kenny had dive-bombed into the passenger seat next to Craig who jumped at the sudden movement. "What the f-"

"I don't care if it's two blocks away from here, but can you just take me away from this place? Please." This was pathetic, god damn, this was so pathetic of him, he was at his lowest right now. It was agonizing keeping it straight in front of his sister, but now that she was gone, he was starting to lose control of himself. Thinking about his death over and over. Of that guy straddling him and flat out _murdering _him. He couldn't even think why this was bothering him so much. Maybe it was because his usual deaths were freak accidents, they weren't intentional. But this guy just? Literally murdered him over money. He had blown him, he had allowed that guy to fuck him in the ass and he was owed money for that. But no, that was too much. That somehow entitled the asshole to _murder _him.

And it was so embarrassing too to think about it. He wasn't supposed to have sex for money, only prostitutes and whores did that. Only gross people did that. If his sister knew he was paying for her lunch with prostitute money, he didn't know how he could face her. It was dirty money.

But he _liked _sex, he really did. He couldn't do anything to change that about himself. He figured if he liked it, then he could fucking charge for it. And why not? People charge for their...talents. His sexual performances were a talent. He would rather fuck people than stand behind a cash register and ring up groceries for eight hours a day.

Thinking about this was making him shake, and he hugged himself, bending over to appear as small as possible and he couldn't stop thinking about that fucking guy murdering him over and over. It was haunting him. It made him angry and depressed and embarrassed and everything.

Jesus Christ, he was so fucked up. He couldn't look Craig in the eye right now, he was so fucked up. Some guy he was barely friends with, he just broke down in front of. God dammit.

"Okay." The car rumbled when it was put into first gear and Kenny felt a little like he wasn't even really there when they started to move again. Was he serious? Craig didn't ask questions, he didn't say _holy shit, what's the matter with you_, or _you're disgusting, get out of my car. _He just-accepted Kenny wasn't okay and moved on.

He kept staring at his jeans, trying to calm himself down. They rode over bumps and turned corners and he was still in denial over even being there. Maybe it was because he broke down in front of Kyle one time, because he really thought out of all the people in their class, Kyle would understand. He was smart. He would get it. And he told him about all the deaths, all the times he'd been shot and stabbed and torn apart, but even Kyle just looked at him and kind of gave him that half-smile that indicated, no, he couldn't be serious. It was emotionally damaging to see, maybe the only person he trusted, not even give him a chance that way. It hurt even worse when the half-smile turned into a nervous laugh and Kyle asked him, "You're not serious, right?" Because it was a joke from the start. Nobody is fucking immortal.

Kenny was alone. So he replied, "No," because it was a fucking joke.

The car eventually came to a stop and Kenny was so lost in his thoughts he didn't notice, even when Craig shut it off and pulled his keys out. "Come inside."

Looking up, Kenny was surprised as hell to see Craig's house in front of him and not a deserted street or something. Tentatively, he climbed out of the car and followed behind Craig, having never actually been to his house before. Again, they weren't really friends, so this was weird. But, seeing as he had little choice and it was cold as balls, he followed.

This was weird, going into someone's house he didn't really know, even though he had a history of fucking people, random strangers even. If they wanted a prostitute like him, they wouldn't take him to their house, they would get a motel or just do him in a public bathroom or something, or hell, even a parking lot.

He kind of stumbled around like a lost puppy, not sure of what to do, not sure why Craig was being so nice to him. He wasn't even sure if there was some ulterior motive to all of this. Like, did he actually care, or was he going to turn around and be a complete bastard about it? It didn't hurt to be on his guard just in case.

"You can come to my room." Craig wasn't looking at him, it was like he just expected him to follow him, and Kenny did. He followed him through the dining area and to a set of stairs all the way up to his bedroom up until Craig was sitting on his bed and Kenny was at his desk, where he had papers and books scattered around from classes. It seemed he skipped a lot.

Fishing through his coat pocket, Craig pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He offered Kenny one, who gladly took it, but was still confused and on guard. Sitting in the desk chair, he felt lost and after lighting and taking several drags, he couldn't find any words to say.

Craig said nothing.

They just smoked.

Finally, when his cigarette was almost gone, he had calmed down enough to think rationally about himself again, to at least articulate a fucking coherent sentence. "I'm sorry."

Craig didn't seem bothered by it, or by anything for that matter. "I get it. We all have shit going on that gets to us. I don't know what your shit is, but it must be pretty bad." He didn't offer to talk, but Kenny wouldn't have wanted to talk anyway. Nobody ever listened, why would Craig listen? He'd done more than enough already.

"Thanks." He kind of didn't know what to say anymore. The next thing that came out just sort of came to mind and he laughed as he said it, finally feeling a little better. "I never knew you were this nice. To be honest, I always thought you were an asshole."

Leaning back on his bed and doing something on his phone, either a game or texting, Craig didn't seem the least bit bothered by what Kenny said. He didn't even flip him off. "I always thought you were an asshole too. You still are."

Kenny leaned back too, finally smiling and calmed down. He focused on the bumps on Craig's ceiling and never realized that silence like this could feel so nice. There were some noises coming from Craig's game or whatever he was doing, but everything felt so serene finally. It just felt nice having someone at least pretend to care for once.


	2. Chapter 2

"So, are you gonna go back and pick up your sister?"

A few hours had passed by since they had been doing nothing but sitting around in Craig's room, and Kenny hated to admit it, but he already felt like he was welcomed, almost like this was a safe place for him to be. It was awkward as all hell at first, but it went away after just sitting there, being there.

He had thought about that at first. Really though, he was going to. He cared a lot about his sister, but today was just a bad day for him, and to be honest, he didn't want to leave Craig's room. He finally felt comfortable. What if he got back out again and broke down in front of Karen? He couldn't explain to her what was wrong with him, that he'd been murdered the night before. She would ask too many questions and they wouldn't be any he could answer. Not that she would even believe him in the first place.

Besides, it's not like she'd never taken the bus by herself before. He didn't have to hold her hand every second of every day, especially during his bad days. It wouldn't be unusual for him not to show up to the bus stop.

After several seconds of silence, he finally answered, "Nah." He didn't want to be rude, but he _really, really _didn't want to leave. How the hell do you ask someone to stay at their house though. Maybe he would just stick around until Craig kicked him out. It would be better than groveling and asking flat out of he could stay. "Why'd you even go to school if you were just gonna skip?"

Craig had stopped playing on his phone and was now leaned back on his bed looking up at the ceiling with his hands crossed over his chest. "You made me skip, remember?"

"No, like. You didn't even stop at the student parking lot where we could all get out, you drove straight to the front of the school to drop us off. Why would you do that if you were just gonna go to the parking lot afterward?"

"I don't know. I skip when I feel like it. I was gonna go, but I guess along the way, I didn't feel like it anymore."

"That's kind of a half-assed way to skip school. You'd already gotten out of bed, so why even bother?" He had to kind of laugh at the thought of it. Craig seemed like the kind of person to stop giving a shit even if he had his foot halfway through the door.

"Are we in the same History class?"

That was random, but Kenny had to stare at the ceiling to think too. Uh...he didn't remember. He didn't pay much attention when roll was called, but maybe...yeah, now that he thought about it, yeah they were. "Yeah, we are. You're the very back of the room though."

"We had a presentation due today. That's why I skipped. I didn't feel like standing up in front of everyone."

Wait, they did?

"...What presentation?" He'd had his head so far up his ass lately, he had kind of been slipping in school lately. Definitely failing English. And Art. Ugh, why did he even bother with school anymore. He was going to live forever, so it's not like going to school would do him any good now. It was social suicide and only grated on his last nerves.

"It was assigned like a week ago. We got a rubric for it and everything. No partners though, it's just a short presentation, thank God. I hate group work."

"Me too." Thinking, thinking, nope. He didn't remember getting a rubric for it. Maybe he'd died that day? Jesus, even when he skipped, he worried about school. He was supposed to be taking this time to _not _worry about school, but fuck that.

Maybe Craig had noticed he was getting nervous, and maybe he wasn't the bastard he always thought he was since elementary school. Maybe he really was nice and it just didn't show until you actually had a conversation with him, and maybe he really was empathetic towards other people, because then he asked, "Do you want to play Mario Kart?" and Kenny could feel himself already forgetting about school again, about his deaths, about being immortal.

"Yes."

The next two hours were spent just playing video games. Craig had a Wii which Kenny hadn't played very much, but it wasn't hard getting accustomed to the weird controls. Pretty soon, he and Craig were yelling swears at each other, how _dare _one of them throw that turtle shell, how _fucking could _Kenny hit Craig with that banana peel?

Kenny always picked Princess Peach no matter what race they were in and he was astounded that Craig didn't give him shit for picking a girl. Every time he played Mario Kart with Stan, Kyle, and Cartman, he always picked a girl too, but he was ripped on for it. _Oh my god, how could you pick a girl, are you gay? _Just shit like that. Mostly from Cartman. God, that guy was such a bastard, he never knew why he ever hung out with him, why he didn't just ditch them.

This was the most he'd ever seen any emotion from Craig, and he supposed Mario Kart could bring out the worst in people, but it was so interesting to see Craig shouting at him, calling him an asshole bastard dipshit, and flipping him off every two seconds. It made him laugh. And he just threw another red shell at him, knocking Craig off a cliff and he could hear his character's wails of _noooo _as they fell and he threw his head back laughing as Craig turned to him, fuming with anger.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'D JUST GOTTEN IN FIRST PLACE!"

Pretty soon, by about another hour had run around, Kenny was losing his winning streak and Craig had gotten the upper hand, and now he was the one suffering from having shells thrown at him and falling off cliffs and the swears were now directed the other way.

"NO, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, ARE YOU SHITTING ME?" And it was funny when Craig wasn't the one yelling at him, and he was the one winning, all he said in retaliation with a straight face was, "Hehheh," and it only made Kenny more irritated at this stupid game.

The final race was underway and Kenny was still yelling at him and had fallen back to fifth place and was groaning about it, when they both heard the front door open and slam shut from downstairs. For Kenny, who was used to slamming doors and yelling family members, but who had also gotten used to the silence, it made him jump so bad, he dropped his controller, and Craig paused their game, mumbling, "Shit" under his breath.

Not even bothering to sugarcoat it, Craig just turned to him with an expression that said he was tired, but also accepted what was about to happen and said to him," My mom is about to come up here and yell at me. I forgot to pick my sister up from school."

Before Kenny could say anything, sure enough, footsteps were heard stomping up the stairs and then Craig's door was slammed open, his mom standing there absolutely fuming. She stopped to stare at Kenny for a few seconds, then back at Craig. "Come out here right now." It was said in such a low tone that did not match how she looked at all, a sweet-looking mom, the kind that looked like she'd call you sweetie or bake you cookies for no reason, that it even freaked out Kenny, and all he could do was watch as Craig rose from the floor, standing taller than his mom, and walk into the hallway with her. She slammed the door shut before shouting at him.

Most of it was unintelligible yelling. Craig yelled, his mom yelled back, but Kenny made out the gist that was basically _how dare you skip school again, do you realize your sister had to take the bus home, do you realize how dirty that bus is, she hates taking the bus, you made your sister cry, why can't you be responsible._

It was so fucking surreal to hear a parent yelling at their kid and being an audience member to that, instead of being in the situation himself. Kenny was used to hearing his parents argue almost every night. He was used to yelling. It made him nervous, he had turned into a type of person who hated loud noises because of it, and he swore he'd never pick up a bottle of alcohol and become a person like his dad, but this was just weird. He felt horrible for being there, for even hearing this, because it was something private, and he shouldn't be hearing it.

The yelling stopped and the house was quiet again, but it felt strained instead of safe. The bedroom door opened and Craig came in, his head held down and his shoulders hunched up. That seemed to be the posture he took whenever he was stressed. The figure of his mom appeared behind him, holding onto the doorknob. "Just wait until your father gets home and hears about this. And stop smoking in your room! How many times do we have to tell you? You're going to give yourself lung cancer! All of your things smell like smoke now! Why can't you just behave?"

Not even waiting for an answer, she slammed the door shut, and Kenny was able to breathe. He hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath. Turning to Craig, he felt so bad for being there, for hearing that, and he didn't know what to say, to do. He couldn't even muster an, "Are you okay?" It wouldn't come out. Finally, he said, "Um-" but Craig cut him off.

"Don't talk to me."

Oh god, he was pissed. Kenny was kind of internally freaking out, because they were just having fun not five minutes ago, and already it was ruined, and he didn't know how to make it better. This was all his fault. If he hadn't asked Craig to skip for him-even though he told him he was going to skip anyway, it was still his fault. He shouldn't be here. He wasn't supposed to be here. He was just getting Craig in trouble for being at his house.

Craig wasn't saying anything and Kenny didn't know what to do. Sitting in silence was agonizing for him, because it felt so good before, but now it was wrong. Finally he stood up to leave. Craig still didn't say anything. He said not to talk to him, and maybe leaving him alone was the best thing to do right now. He still had to deal with his dad once he got home, and Kenny didn't need to be there for that.

This was stupid. Stupid, fucking stupid. He still couldn't say he was sorry, or how he could help, because he didn't know how to say it. Kenny didn't know how the hell to comfort people when they were upset, so he left. Without saying anything, he felt like the biggest ass in the world for not saying anything, but he didn't know what to say.

With his little crappy backpack in his hands, he was back on the streets when he left Craig's. It had started snowing again, but he didn't care. He didn't want to go home, he didn't want to go anywhere.

Things were finally starting to feel bearable again, only for it to be ripped away from him. Why? Why did it have to be this way? Why the hell did he even bother with anything? Life was so pointless, only because the fact that he was going to live forever kept going through his mind day and night. It was a broken record, repeating itself over and over, and it would never go away. _You're never going to die, you're never going to die. _

Kenny walked aimlessly, not caring where he ended up, because now he felt numb to the world. Nothing mattered. Nothing ever mattered. He wanted to blame someone for making him feel this way, but it all came back to himself. It was his fault. It was always his fault, so there was no point.

He wished he really was insane and that nothing was real. He wished everything was just a figment of his imagination taking over and that he really would die one day, so at least everything would go away. He wished this was all a dream. It hurt so much to feel emotion, something happy, and have it taken from him. Why did God hate him? Was this all a cruel joke? If God wanted him dead so much, why wouldn't he just fucking kill him and stop making him suffer so much?

There wasn't a rational part of his mind anymore. There was nothing telling him Craig probably didn't hate him and that him being there during a fight was just a coincidence and there was nothing he could have done to stop it. Everything was his fault, and that was fact.

God, he was so tired of everything. He was so tired of living. He would have killed himself a long time ago if he wasn't fucking immortal.

The snow had started to fall harder, and Kenny realized he didn't know where he was anymore. But, that was okay. He had wound up in some kind of back alley that smelled like garbage. It didn't matter, it really didn't.

Sitting down, he pulled his backpack into his lap before digging around inside. He pulled out a gun and he had to wonder if his dad even realized he sometimes stole it from him. Once he used it, it would end up back in his dad's underwear drawer, but.

His hair was wet from the snow and he was cold and there was no more thinking, because he was tired of thinking, he was tired of being here, he was tired of everything when he put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing that registered with him was his name. The red scribbling on his wall was faded, but still there, still legible.

He was alive again.

Kenny sat up and grumbled to himself, covering his face in his hands. Death wasn't so bad if he was the one who did it to himself. It still weighed down on his mind, but it was different.

His rumbling stomach brought him from his thoughts and he stood from bed, remember he never ate at all yesterday and swore at himself for forgetting again. It had become a bad habit that unless his stomach was cramping and hurting, he would completely forget to eat. While he raided his kitchen that was also fucking freezing, his mind wandered back to yesterday. What if Craig forgot he had come over at all? He shouldn't have killed himself, god dammit. Now he was afraid Craig would forget about him existing again.

It was fun, it was so fun being over there and being able to forget about the bad things for awhile. Even if Craig did get in trouble, and things got rocky by the end of it, it was still fun before all that shit happened.

Kenny soon found a pop tart before heading back to his room. Their kitchen never was a place of magical assortment, but this would tide him over until he could actually get some money and buy them shit. Karen liked sweets and he needed to remember to buy her some cookies or something next time he was out. Kevin ate anything really, but he remembered he liked pancakes. He just needed money.

All he had in his wallet was five bucks left over last time he went out. That wasn't going to fucking cut it at all. Seriously, he needed to step up his game and start charging to do more to people. Then again, that guy from the other night never even god damn paid him, so he was out by at least a hundred bucks just from that. The thought of that made him angry again, but not enough to lock his door behind him and pull his pants off.

The thought of fucking got him excited. Fucking in general got him off, but sometimes that wasn't enough. He didn't have time to get off the other night because he was-haha, fucking murdered. Before, it made him upset and depressed, but now he was angry about it. Maybe shooting himself in the head fucked with his psyche. He thought he should start shooting himself more often after something like that happened. Maybe it would help him get over it faster.

He dug some lube out of his backpack before he began to masturbate. He used to be able to do it dry, but now that he'd done it so much, it got sore.

It got him off thinking of someone going into him, man or woman. He'd been pegged before and he liked it. He didn't care who fucked him, he liked all of it. Especially if they kissed him or asked to be made out with before actual fucking took place. Kenny was sort of iffy about making out with someone, he would have rather just fucked and gotten it over with, even though he liked the feeling of it, at the same time, it felt a little weird.

But, that in itself was messed up. He liked it when people went into him, so why should kissing be an issue? God, he was fucked up.

He was already hard, thinking about this, and he wanted to come.

Pumping himself made him think, and he hated it when his mind wandered, because he wanted to concentrate, and even then, when he was there pulling on his own dick, it sometimes got too difficult to concentrate. He thought back to not two years ago when he went to school one day and offered to eat out Bebe for twenty bucks. She kind of gave him a surprised look, not a disgusted one like he would figure, and simply told him she was a lesbian to which he muttered, "Okay" and went after someone else.

It was amazing how many people came out that year.

Everyone in elementary school was 'straight', but once high school hit, people started discovering their sexualities and Kenny had never been more confused how some of his friends wound up.

Bebe had had a crush on Wendy forever, but she pined after Stan for the longest time, Kenny figured she would have given up on her, but finally Wendy came out as bi, dumped Stan's loser ass, and she and Bebe had been a couple for about two years. Kenny thought they made a good couple and hadn't realized how much he'd been secretly rooting for Wendy to dump Stan once it had actually happened.

Kyle, Jesus Christ, Kyle. Someone brought up the idea in joke form that Kyle and Stan should fuck and like he'd never even considered it, but like it was the greatest thing ever, Kyle lit up at the thought, and started to make hints toward Stan that he liked him. Stan had such a stick up his ass, he denied he might have liked him back for years, but they were finally official about a year ago, not long after Wendy and Bebe. Although, they were a little more secretive about it.

Kenny didn't know a thing about Butters, just that he followed Cartman around like a puppy and did whatever lowly thing he asked of him. He tried not to think of Cartman, as he had stopped hanging out with him after middle school, but he was still on good terms with Butters and saw him tagging along after him almost all the time.

Ever since he was little though, Kenny had kind of liked everyone. That didn't change, even when he got to high school. Although, he couldn't really be sure how everyone thought of him now, especially since he'd pretty much already flirted with half the school and even offered most everyone in his class sex, for a fee. They either thought he was a gross sexual deviant, or that that was just Kenny. He didn't know or really care.

He could feel himself about to come, even with all the thoughts running through his head, he just had to concentrate. Concentrate. Concentrate. Almost there-

"Kenny?" The sound of his sister's voice followed by a knock almost made him shit himself, and he jumped, surprised as hell and scrambling around for his pants.

"Just a sec." Damn, even his voice was shaky. Fuck, fuck, fuck. His pants were thrown over near his closet and he dove for them, trying to hide his boner when he pulled them up. Fuck, that wasn't going to work. Trying to think fast, he grabbed his parka which was also lying on the floor and tied it around his waist. Whatever, it would have to do. Opening his door, he peeked his head out, trying to hide at the same time. "Y-yeah, what do you need?" God, he was all sweaty and nervous.

Karen didn't seem to notice, thank Jesus. She smiled and said, "Mom is ready to take us to school. She said we have five minutes before she walks out the door."

He tried not to seem like he was shooing her away, but god he really wished she would _leave_. "Okay, I'll be there in a second." Before she could say anything else, he closed his door, locking it. Holy fuck, he was embarrassed. And frustrated, because now he didn't think he could finish. Okay fuck, fuck, he had to hurry and grab the shit he needed for school, because now he needed to actually go. Maybe he could finish once he got there. He'd masturbated in the bathroom before. It was annoying, but damn.

After grabbing his backpack and a pair of gloves, Kenny met up with his mom and sister at the front of the house, his mom already breaking into a pack of cigarettes. By themselves, his parents were both actually not that bad, but when they were in the same room together, they always ended up fighting. Either about cigarettes, money, alcohol, Kenny couldn't keep count of all the fucking yelling that happened.

"Y'all ready?" said his mom, looking like she hadn't gotten any sleep that night as she lit her cigarette. There were already bags under her eyes.

Both he and his sister nodded and they were out the door. He didn't know where his dad was. Probably kicked out somewhere. Maybe that's why his mom hadn't gotten any sleep. The drive to school was a little awkward since his mom kept blowing smoke out the window, the entire truck smelled like smoke, and Karen kept huddling close to him which made him think dear God, she almost walked in on him playing with himself. She would have if he hadn't locked his door. She didn't seem to have noticed anything out of the ordinary, but it was still embarrassing for him to think about.

All he could think of was 'ugh' when they pulled up to the school. School in general put him in a bad mood, but now it felt even worse. He'd died twice in the past two days, he was falling behind even worse on his work, not that his parents even gave a shit to begin with, but getting back F's all the time made him feel like a dumbass. The most he was worried was what about yesterday?

For the first time in a long, long time, he'd had fun with someone, and he was scared as hell Craig wouldn't remember spending the day with him. People didn't remember his deaths, so what if the entire day was wiped away because he had to be a dipshit and kill himself? It didn't occur to him at the time, because he was so done with everything. Normally, it was just the death people didn't remember, not an entire day, but he was still worried about it.

Karen hugged him bye before she ran off to her locker and he turned the opposite direction, feeling so out of place in the crowds of teenagers. They were all either laughing, chatting with friends, talking about so and so did this and that last night, some status on Facebook, some show that aired, or just rabble he couldn't make out. Every one of these teenagers had their own shit they were dealing with, and Kenny kind of wished he could have been a normal teenager dealing with that too, instead of dying every other day, instead of having the same thought go through his head almost every second of his life that he was immortal.

He liked blending into the crowd of loud ass teenagers, of the rabble. He liked pretending he was part of it, too. Once he reached his locker, someone came up behind him and clapped him on the back, and he became part of the chattering crowds too. "Hey, dude!"

Kyle had gotten glasses not two years ago, but it was still weird as hell seeing him wearing them and now sporting his fro without a hat. It was kind of weird seeing _everyone _ditch their do in favor of something they felt was more 'cool' or whatever as they got older. Stan came up behind him, wearing a jersey with the number 34 on it and gave him a small wave. Everyone laughed at him because he wound up needing braces like his older sister had and unfortunately for him, was still wearing them.

"Hey, guys."

Kyle's cheerful face turned into a scowl and Kenny knew that meant he was in for a bitching. "You skipped again yesterday."

Ugh. Turning to undo his lock combination and get all the books he needed, Kenny frowned. "Yeah?" Even with his back turned, he could feel Kyle glaring at him. Stan probably didn't give a shit. Kyle's sort of mothering nature could grate on his ever lasting nerves, but he supposed he should be thankful at least one of his friends gave a shit he was even there.

"Well, I mean, we kind of get worried about you when you do that. You've been doing it a lot lately, too. And you don't have a phone where we can text you."

What was he supposed to say? From Kyle's point of view, he was just being a lazy dick about it and complaining about school, because wahh, he didn't _want to go_, he was_ too tired _or something, but Jesus. He had been murdered that night before, and he just couldn't? But, it's not like they would understand if he told them that. God, this was so fucked up to think about.

Biting his lip, he turned to Kyle with his head held low and avoided eye contact. It took every ounce of willpower for him to say, "I'm sorry" but dammit, he did it anyway.

Kyle glared at him for awhile longer, but finally sighed after pushing his glasses up. "If you're gonna skip, at least give somebody a heads up or something."

"Okay."

The bell rang, making all three of them jump and Stan nabbed Kyle's arm. "Shit, dude, we have to get to class."

"Fuck, okay." Kyle turned to Kenny one last time before Stan dragged him away. "See you at lunch!"

It felt like he was walking through sludge on his way to class and all he could think when he sat down in his desk was 'ugh'. His entire mindset lately had been one giant 'ugh'. His mind already started to wander before the lesson even started and he was daydreaming about stuff. Video games, magazines, porn, and-"Craig Tucker?" The teacher calling the roll.

That fucking snapped him out of his daydreaming and he remembered, oh yeah. Craig was in his History class. Before he stopped himself, he turned around in his desk and there he was, leaned back in his desk looking just as bored as Kenny was. When Kenny turned to look at him though, he looked back, and it made him fucking embarrassed to have turned around in the first place, because he was still freaking out over whether Craig even remembered that yesterday happened at all. He kept telling himself not to be stupid, it was just his deaths people didn't remember, and it would be okay. But now it was kind of gnawing at him, because he couldn't talk to him or ask him, because of fucking class.

The teacher continued to call roll and Kenny's mind was completely gone by that point, when the lesson started and he was supposed to be taking notes and paying attention. How could he?

The last thing that happened between them was bad and Kenny still didn't know how to bring that up. Did he pretend it didn't happen at all, or say he was sorry? That was stupid, everything he thought of was stupid, but he wanted to be on good terms with Craig again, because he'd had _fun _with him, and he wanted to have fun again. They weren't even friends before yesterday happened, but he'd hoped he could consider them friends now.

The teacher's voice eventually melted into background noise, where he wasn't even hearing the words anymore, just a voice saying nonsense, and Kenny took an opportunity to look behind him again. Craig wasn't seated _right _behind him, but an aisle of desks over and to the side sort of, so all he had to do was crane his neck to the left and there he was, still fucking staring at him and Kenny felt his insides turn to pudding. Or not, that was a stupid way of saying it. It felt like he was going to have diarrhea. All he could think of when he saw Craig just staring back at him was _oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. _

Because, he couldn't fucking tell what that meant. Was Craig pissed at him? Was he just like that and stared at people or-what? Jesus Christ, this was agonizing. He wasn't glaring at him, but after a few seconds, Kenny had to look away again, for fear that it might mean Craig was pissed and staring meant he was going to kill him later. Kenny tried to reason with himself why Craig would be mad at him, but he couldn't help being paranoid as fuck.

Finally, after the bell rang again, Kenny felt like he was going to shit his pants from being nervous the entire class. He didn't know what to say to Craig without being awkward as fuck about it, but he had to say _something_. Thankfully, Craig decided to come up him first.

"Uh, about yesterday." Kenny didn't want to seem like he was thrilled Craig was talking to him first, but he was fucking thrilled Craig was talking to him first. "Uh, don't like-say anything about that okay?"

Now he was confused. "You mean about skipping?"

He wasn't even irritated at him for being a dumbass about it. "No, just don't say anything about my mom yelling at me."

"Why would I tell anyone that?"

"Well, you kind of hang around dickshits, and I don't know if you guys rip on everyone, so?" It was almost sad how pleading his face looked now, and Kenny felt bad.

"I don't gossip about people. I won't tell anyone."

"Thanks."

He was thrilled. Fucking thrilled Craig hadn't forgotten about yesterday. Thank Jesus God almighty Christ, he was so glad. Even if it ended on a bad note, he didn't fucking care.

They walked together down the hallway, and Kenny was still thrilled, he felt so happy. That diarrhea feeling finally was going away. It was replaced instead by butterflies and he could have choked on it.

Craig hunched his shoulders and Kenny already knew, just from hanging out with him for one day that it meant he was uncomfortable about something. "So uh, I didn't mean to kick you out like that. Dad probably would have yelled about you being there when he got home."

"Dude, it's fine. I get it."

"Okay."

The rest of the day was spent like that, chatting between classes about nonsensical shit. Kenny didn't realize they had so many classes together, because he never really took notice of Craig before, but now that he did, he found himself looking to the back of the room, and thinking _holy shit _whenever he saw Craig staring at him. It was such a strange feeling, like he wasn't used to happy things. Kenny was used to dying, feeling depressed all the damn time, feeling like he was trying to run in a dream, but something was holding him back, or that he was numb, but now something was finally _happy_. It was like maybe it wasn't real? Because he'd been in such a shithole for so long, it felt like it would be ripped away from him and he knew eventually the good feeling would go away.

Like so many times, he would be happy for a short time, but he always ended back up in bed, staring at his wall, at his name written in red crayon, and he wouldn't be able to feel anything anymore.

The days turned into weeks. Kenny got up, Kenny went to school, he did his homework, he came home, he would play with Karen sometimes, or with Kevin, and then he went to sleep. Some nights he would go have sex with strangers and get money for it, and he gave Karen lunch money with the prostitute cash he earned. Other nights he would go spend with Craig, and it was so _nice _having a person be there? They would spend hours and hours playing video games, talking about random shit, hanging out, maybe having a smoke once in awhile, and just being guys and laughing about things.

Some weekends he would spend the entire weekend at his house, and the entire weekend would fly by and sometimes he couldn't remember what they did. They talked, they laughed, they would go eat somewhere and wind up laughing, and it felt so _good _to laugh, Kenny couldn't remember laughing so much before. Never with Kyle or Stan or Cartman had he ever had such a good time with, had someone given him so much attention and treated him like a person before.

It was right after Christmas, after they had been doing this for a couple of months, when Kenny was heading back to his house and he found himself thinking about Craig. It made him smile and then he would think about him all day. All night. Every time he thought about him, he would smile.

And then.

Oh shit. Oh shit. _Oh shit. Oh shit. _

He liked him. He fucking liked him.

Kenny stopped walking and caught himself staring at the sidewalk for awhile when he realized this, his face red and hot. He liked him. _He liked him. _

Oh shit. This wasn't like when he fucked someone. Fucking felt robotic almost, and while he did like to fuck, he didn't have feelings for the people he fucked. He didn't even know their names.

But, oh shit, when he thought about it, really thought about it, he admitted it to himself, and _he liked Craig, he liked him_, and that would not stop going through his head.

It began to snow on him while he stood on the sidewalk, still staring at a spot on the ground, his face burning, his stomach churning with a feeling he felt embarrassed to even be having in the first place, and all he could say to himself was, "Oh shit."


	4. Chapter 4

New Years was approaching with an unpleasant wave like it did every year. Unpleasant, because Kenny kind of enjoyed his winter breaks, like he enjoyed any chance to _not _have to go to school, and New Years only meant that school would be starting up soon.

For once, he was over at Kyle's house hanging out with him and Stan. He hadn't hung out with them for awhile, but Kyle had gotten a Wii U for Christmas and wanted them to check it out with him. The controller was so stupid-looking, but he and Stan were stuck with regular Wii controllers while Kyle took that huge ass screen to play on. Kenny couldn't really tell what he was doing. They were playing some Mario game, or something. He was Peach, as usual in games. He jumped, fluttered around, got mushroom power ups; he couldn't remember the premise of the game, but they were kind of not paying attention to what they were doing anyway, just chatting.

Kenny was kind of hugging one side of the couch while Stan and Kyle huddled close together on the other side. They were more intimate when they were at one another's house like this, especially when the parents were out, but in public, Stan was so afraid of showing affection, he'd just outright reject Kyle until they were alone. Now that they _were _alone, somewhat alone, they couldn't stop touching each other. And Kenny sat uncomfortably next to them while they touched each other.

Idle chatter was so boring, Kenny found. Stan was talking about his sister coming back for winter break-oh god, he missed that fucking power up, holy fuck- "-so you in, Kenny?"

"What." Not really paying attention, Kenny was concentrating on not falling off the various platforms Peach, Toad, and Mario were jumping on. Dammit, this game was hard.

"Shelly wants to throw a New Years party. She can legally buy alcohol now, so I don't know? She wants her own thing because Mom and Dad are going out that night to party too. You coming?"

"Yeah, sure." Dammit, he fell off the platform and died.

Kyle bent forward on the couch as they got to a boss fight, trying to concentrate too. Soon, he was making a sarcastic laugh. "You probably won't show up unless you're with Craig, right?"

Oh god, just the mention of his name made Kenny feel embarrassed as fuck. He fell off a platform again in the game and felt his body stiffen, but he answered honestly, trying to play it cool and act like it didn't get to him. "Yeah, probably."

"Why do you hang out with him so much? I thought you hated him?"

"No? Why would I hate him?"

Kyle was focused on the game, not looking at Kenny, but would mumble 'fuck' once in awhile if an enemy rammed into him. "I don't know. Just curious-fuck, god dammit. Goombas, why the hell?" Toad fell off a platform, making Kyle groan, gripping his controller harder the more irritated he got. Mario games seemed to bring out the worst in people.

Then, Kenny got defensive about it, feeling stupid the second he said what he did. "Sorry, Mom, am I not allowed to have other friends?"

Stan snorted from the other end of the couch. "I think he's still a dick."

"He's not a dick, you're a dick."

"Whatever, man." Biting his lip, Stan leaned back into the couch, Kyle leaning closer to him as he did so.

It was time to change the subject. Kenny opted for going back to what Stan mentioned earlier. "So, the party or whatever? Are you guys going to drink?"

Kyle shrugged. "Probably. You?"

"Nah." He didn't want to wind up like a drunk pair of assholes like his parents, so Kenny figured he would stay away from alcohol. Maybe that was dumb, because he was already a prostitute, but to him, his parents were both angry drunks, and he was kind of afraid he'd be that way too. So, no drinking.

Silence fell between them as they stopped chatting, played games, and it got incredibly boring for Kenny. Kyle and Stan wouldn't stop cuddling each other, and it made him irritated, so he figured he would leave. In a nice way, though. Or whatever. He grabbed his coat, told them he'd see them later, and left. That was about it the extent of his nice way of leaving, not saying anything.

Well, not at least he had a party to look forward too. Kenny liked crowds, he liked the party scene, he really did. It was all loud, chatty, there would be free food and shit for him to take advantage of. He'd be able to blend in and feel normalish for awhile at a party. Pretty soon, after he'd been daydreaming about it for awhile, he found himself at Craig's doorstep, and his stomach churned with butterflies. Jesus Christ, why was he acting this way? He was here almost everyday.

Like always, when he rang the doorbell, Craig was the first to come down to answer, because now he expected him. When the door swung open to reveal that asshole wearing that stupid chullo hat, Kenny couldn't help the dumb smile he made. "Hey."

"Hey." Stepping aside, Craig let him in and they went upstairs to his bedroom where Craig had apparently been playing Mario Kart. Kenny noticed he played that game constantly, never really asked why, but he would do the same routes over and over, always on the hardest level. Settling back on his bed, Craig resumed his game and Kenny made himself comfortable at his desk chair, watching Craig play for awhile in silence, or somewhat silence aside from all the game noises. Generally, he always won his races, but then he would select the same route and play the same game over and over. It was weird, or weird to Kenny. He liked video games, but he couldn't play a game over like that, that many times.

After about the fourth race, Kenny decided he might as well bring up what he came to talk about. "Um... I was over at Stan's house earlier and he said his sister is throwing a New Years party and we're invited. Do you wanna go?" Ech, he couldn't have been more awkward with that invitation if he tried. Every time he talked to him, he could feel his throat tighten, making him feel like he was gonna pee, because everything made him so nervous? Like, he had a crush on this guy, what was he supposed to do? Even looking at him made him embarrassed.

"Uhh..." Oh god, that was already a bad sign. Kenny braced himself for a no. "I don't really like parties, but, uh, I guess so? I mean, I don't have anything better to do, I guess."

Oh god, the feeling of relief that went through him was amazing, that he actually let out a breath. "Okay."

Still watching his game, it was Kyle all over again, Craig said, "So are you okay or?"

"What?"

"I mean, you've been acting kind of weird lately. You okay?"

Kenny was kind of surprised how attentive Craig could be. He didn't say much, but he actually paid attention to shit, and he could be pretty empathetic. Then again, Kenny wasn't giving himself points either, because every time he got around Craig, he'd internally start to freak out and go oh god, '_I can't believe I like him_'? Which resulted in him being quiet and kind of standoffish when they hung out now. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"If you say so."

* * *

><p>The night of the party was fucking freezing.<p>

Kenny wound up taking Karen with him, because she really wanted to go too, and had nothing to do. Nobody had anything to do. Then, he went to pick up Craig, and they walked to Stan's house. It wasn't that long of a walk, and Craig didn't feel like pulling his car out to drive them for a five minute walk.

Karen bobbed along beside Kenny, clinging onto his arm like she always did. "Can I drink when we get here?"

"Uh, I don't care, but don't overdo it." He had to laugh at that. She liked sweet things. The second she took a swig of alcohol, she'd probably choke on it, never wanting to taste it again. Ugh, what if she wound up being an angry drunk like his parents? Kenny had such a negative opinion on them, he was so bitter about it, but Karen was more mature than them, so he had to at least give her credit she probably thought the same of them.

When they got there, the house was already loud with music, chatter, and Kenny felt Craig cringing next to him, hunching up his shoulders. Just as they were coming up to the mailbox, Wendy and Bebe were coming up the street from the opposite end. Wendy waved to them. Kenny's relationship with her was...stable? He could have said, so he waved back.

Once they were inside the house, it became obvious the party was just an 'invite everyone, doesn't matter', because Kenny saw people from every grade there. Some of Shelly's college friends were chatting with her in a corner, there were Stan and Kyle, together as always, there was Token hanging out with Clyde, there was Tweek, still shaky, nervous as always, oh god fucking Cartman and Butters were there too. And some kids he didn't even know? Some looked Karen's age, way too young to be drinking, but hell, they were all underage too.

A table had been set out with some food, along with a bunch of drinks, which Craig broke away from Kenny to go after. Kenny was kind of surprised, because he didn't take Craig as a drinker. Why would he even have come anyway though. Karen went away from him too to get a drink and he refrained himself from being overbearing to her, telling her to be careful, don't do that, don't get drunk, stuff like that.

Kenny didn't really want to talk to anyone there, he just liked being part of the crowd, so he walked back over to Craig, since he actually liked him, and stood next to him awkwardly. They both stood side-by-side, Craig having one of his hands dug in his pocket while he took swigs of his drink with his other hand and he sighed. "So. Sup." He sounded so incredibly bored.

Grabbing some potato ships, Kenny replied, "Nothing. You?"

"Nothing." More swigs. Damn, he was really downing it. Pretty soon, he was grabbing another.

Kenny tried to make conversation, forcing out a laugh. "Never took you for a drinker, actually."

Looking down at his drink, Craig bunched up his nose. "It's bitter. I don't like it. I don't know why I'm drinking it. I just want to be tipsy, I guess. That's the only reason people drink this shit. It doesn't taste good, there's no reason other than it makes you feel good for a while, right?"

"...Right."

Craig made a sort of laugh, saying, "My parents would kill me if they found out I went to a party to drink. They already think I misbehave a lot, that I smoke too much, or whatever." He was already loosening up and talking more.

"I think my parents are out right now. They aren't ever really home." Maybe now would be a good time to try talking, try having a normal conversation about boring things. "So, how come you always play the same courses over and over on Mario Kart? You already won them, why do you keep playing them?"

Craig shrugged, going for yet another drink. Jesus. Kenny was starting to get a little worried now. Where was Karen? Oh, there she was, talking with some ninth graders who were all drinking too. Oh god, he figured she'd hate it, but she was handling it well too. "It's a stress thing. Like, I feel like I can't really get things done in real life, so I do things I already know how to do over and over in a game and I feel like I accomplish something, you know? It's stupid, yeah, but I don't know. It mellows me out."

Before Kenny could respond with 'that's not stupid', a weight was pressed against his side, making him jump. Turning around, he found Butters leaning against him. Like Kyle, he'd gotten glasses too after he grew up, but his were little wire framed small ones and he looked up at Kenny with glossy eyes, drunk as fuck. "OHHHhh. Kenny!" Holy shit, he could smell the drunk on him, too. Kenny tried to push him off, but he wasn't budging. "Um...Kenny! Didja know...like...Didja? That I got my nipples pierced? Oh god."

"Holy shit, Butters." Again, Kenny tried to push him off, but he laughed and slumped over, causing Kenny's reflexes to be to reach out to catch him before he busted his ass. Craig was getting tipsy beside him, because he started laughing, covering his face with his hand. Kenny frowned, trying to support Butters who wasn't trying to hold himself up at all. "Can you, like, help me?"

"Dude, just leave him on the floor, oh my god."

"Jesus Christ." Kenny finally gave up trying to help Butters and did as Craig said, leaving him on the floor where he kind of lie there laughing to himself. Good grief, Kenny hated dealing with drunk people. It was so annoying.

Just as this very thought passed through his brain, Craig started grabbing him by the shoulder and kind of, not really leaning on him too. "Oh man, I'm getting dizzy."

"Well, what the hell did you think was going to happen? What are you drinking, vodka?"

"Dude, I don't even know? Oh god." His grip became much harder, until his nails were digging through Kenny's skin, about to make him wince.

"Do...you need to lie down too?"

"Uh..." Not even finishing his sentence, he completely fell against Kenny, who didn't expect the sudden extra weight. Kenny almost fell over with him too. God, it was Butters all over again, but now it was with someone he _liked,_ touching him, against him, and Kenny felt his entire face get red. He could smell the freaking shampoo he washed with?

Wrapping his arm around Craig's back to support him so he wouldn't fall over, Kenny pushed him up and Craig draped his arm over Kenny's shoulder- GOD, IT WAS AWKWARD. He looked like he was about to throw up and Kenny needed to get him to a toilet or something fast so he wouldn't hurl all over the floor. "Come on," he said. "I'm taking you to the bathroom."

"Noo..." Craig dug his face into Kenny's shoulder until his voice was muffled. "Just need to lie down..."

"God dammit, fine." Kenny basically dragged Craig across the living room, past Stan whom he told he needed to use his bedroom so Craig could lie down, up the stairs, which wound up being easier than he figured. Craig hadn't gotten to the state of not supporting his own body drunk, but he was still against Kenny, who was leaning against the railing of the stairs, so he had something to grip while dragging him upward. When they reached Stan's room, he led Craig to the bed where he sat down, leaning over, putting his face in his hands, and making weird moaning noises. Kenny didn't know what to do. "Uh, do you need water? Or wait-does water make you more drunk? I don't know. Uh, bread? Fuck, I don't know."

As Kenny paced around fretting about what to do, or what _not _to do, Craig reached out to grab his wrist. "Hey, come here." His voice was on the verge of breaking into laughter.

Nervous because Craig was touching him again, Kenny bent down to get level with him. "What-" And his brain shut completely off when Craig kissed him. Like, had he really died this time? For real? Because, this couldn't be happening. Craig was kissing him, on the fucking lips. He could taste whatever shitty drink he'd been downing earlier, and it couldn't be real. His initial reaction was to pull away out of shock, but he didn't, because he couldn't, and this still wasn't really be happening.

Then Craig broke away, slurring when he spoke. "I always kind of liked your freckles, haha." Fucking grabbed the collar of Kenny's jacket to pull him down, kissing him again. Holy shit, Kenny didn't know what to do. He was in too much shock to think, like? What was he supposed to do? His entire face was on fire with embarrassment, and he'd even wanted this for awhile now, he'd _wanted _for a really long time to actually make out with Craig, but the fact he was drunk was kind of killing the mood a little. He didn't mean it, so Kenny really did pull away, trying to remember to breathe so he could form coherent sentences.

"You're drunk."

"Nooo." God, he was slurring everything, trying to pull Kenny back down to make out with him, which Kenny would have loved any other time, but holy shit. This felt wrong.

"Yeah, you are."

"Noo, I'm not?" Again, he pulled Kenny down and holy fuck, he had some arm strength, because Kenny had a hard time pulling away and they were kissing fucking again. Now, it was starting to feel good, and Kenny was losing his resolve. He wanted so bad to run his hands through Craig's hair, pull that stupid hat off, really make out with him.

So he did. He stopped resisting, moved down onto the bed with him, pulling his hat off and throwing it down, running his hands through his hair, which was messy from not being brushed, but god, it felt good on his hands. Craig wrapped his arms around his neck in a sort of awkward hug, causing Kenny to break away from the kiss to breathe, but moving to the crook of his neck to suck, moving down to his shoulder and pulling back his shirt to suck on his shoulder. While he did this, Craig made weird little laughs and moans above him, his hands kind of awkwardly going through his hair, back down his neck, like he didn't know what the hell he was doing, and he was laughing so much, Kenny knew he was drunk as fuck. The feeling of his fingers moving up and down his neck like that sent shivers through Kenny's spine. Oh god, this was getting him off.

He kept sucking on Craig's neck, kissing in spots, stopping to suck, then kissing somewhere else. Craig would laugh that slurred laugh and moan when he would do it, so he pulled down his shirt to kiss his collarbone. Craig's hands were still kind of going back to his hair, down his back, just touching him, but Kenny was concentrating on kissing him all over, moving his hands closer to his pants. Severely horny, he wondered if having sex here would be okay, but the second his hands began to unbutton Craig's pants, he suddenly was shoved hard against his chest, almost knocking the air out of him.

"NO!"

And it surprised the hell out of him, Craig looked absolutely horrified now, having pushed him away, breathing hard. Kenny was in complete shock, trying to get air back and breathe himself. What the fuck just happened?

"No, no, don't do that."

Oh fuck, this was bad. Kenny felt the heat rise to his face and whatever sex drive he had was completely dead when he saw that look of utter horror on Craig's face. This was fucking bad, how could he do this? He knew he was drunk, and holy shit? He was so embarrassed, he shouldn't have done this. Fuck, now Craig was going to hate him.

Kenny began to back away, feeling sick. He needed to erase this. What if he shot himself right now, would Craig forget this ever happened, would he-but as he stood up, Craig nabbed his sleeve. "I don't care if you kiss me, but don't do that."

Oh thank god, Craig didn't hate him, but he didn't think he could bring himself to make out with him anymore. Kenny was shaking now, feeling guilty and embarrassed he'd let himself get carried away. He felt like a rapist almost. This was the first time he'd been rejected like that, that it made him feel like shit really.

Kenny wasn't moving anymore, still kind of scared to do anything, so Craig pulled him back down and started sucking on his neck like he'd done to him earlier. His movements were still sloppy, he was still drunk, but what Kenny had done kind of snapped him out of it a little. He wasn't laughing as much, or making little moaning noises, but he kept kissing and sucking on his neck, until Kenny was shaking, gripping at Craig's sleeves, because the feeling was giving him goosebumps.

If he was in a state of mind enough to tell Kenny no, then did he really want this? Was he really okay with this? Kenny felt stupid now, being there, even though everything felt good. He never really made out with anyone before, so this was a different kind of feeling. He had to straddle Craig to comfortably sit this way to let him suck and kiss his shoulders, his neck. Then he moved up to bite his ear, which made Kenny shut his eyes, letting out a moan. It felt like he had goosebumps everywhere, and maybe he did. Craig reached around him, running his hand up his spine through his clothes and Kenny thought he was going to lose it. He didn't feel as bad as earlier, because with each passing second, with every touch, kiss, he felt this was genuine and not drunken stupor, but maybe that was stupid to think.

He wanted to say something, because he was still scared to do anything, and was now letting Craig do all the work while he squeezed his sleeves, but a voice called through the room, making both of them freeze. "What the fuck are you two doing?"

Kenny whirled around to see fucking Stan, of course, was standing in the doorway, glaring at them. "I thought you said he needed to lie down, I didn't know you guys were gonna snog all over the place."

Fuck.

Kenny couldn't even bother with an explanation, because there wasn't one. They were fucking making out on Stan's bed, and he would have been upset too if Stan and Kyle had been making out on _his _bed.

Craig flipped Stan off and Kenny thought '_fucking shit_', standing up, pulling Craig up with him who was still a little wobbly on his feet. All he could say was, "Sorry," to Stan as he pulled Craig out of his room. It was probably time to leave now.

Stan rolled his eyes. "Dude, whatever, just-don't do that on my bed, okay? I sleep there."

Kenny began the awkward descent down the stairs where he began looking for Karen. It wasn't even midnight yet and a lot of people were already wasted. It was pretty pathetic. Karen was still seated with a bunch of her classmates, chatting, having a good time, but Kenny went to grab her. "We're going home. You okay to walk?" Was he going to have to drag her too?

Karen stood up from her seat to join his side, still looking chipper, but confused when she saw Craig slumped over Kenny, but it wasn't like she'd never dealt with drunk people either. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He felt proud of her she hadn't let herself get wasted, unlike _some _people, so he said, "Uh, go to his other side and if he falls on you, just try to keep him up, okay?"

"Uh, okay." Karen ran to Craig's other side, clinging to him like she normally did to Kenny by grabbing onto his sleeve. "I got you."

Then began the long, arduous walk home. Kenny wasn't about to take Craig back to his own house, where his parents could see him dunk off his ass. He figured it would be less strain on Craig to take him back to Kenny's house where he could sleep it off. Then he could go home whenever. Ugh, Kenny didn't really want him to see the state of his gross house, but they had little options right now. Plus, his parents probably wouldn't be back from their New Year's partying for another few hours, so they could be alone for awhile.

The walk was cold, to say the least. Craig mostly stumbled over onto Kenny's side where he could catch him and pull him back up. He fell over onto Karen a few times, but she was determined and hoisted him back up, telling him he had no one to blame but himself.

"Oh god." Craig held his face in his hand. "I feel like I'm gonna be sick now."

Kenny looked over at him in case he fell over again, then only now realized he didn't have his hat on. It was still somewhere in Stan's bedroom. Oh Christ. He kind of inwardly laughed at the thought of Stan finding a random hat on his floor and wondering where the hell it came from, but he knew Stan would know it was Craig's, because he's the only one who wore that kind of hat. Kenny wasn't about to go back for a dumb hat though. He kind of liked Craig's messy hair without it though. He wish he'd go without it more often.

Finally, they reached Kenny's house and he winced upon entering. The entire house smelled like cigarettes, and it was so trashy. There were used ash trays everywhere, fucking holes in the walls from the times where his dad got too angry and punched them, and he even spotted a few broken beer bottles lying around. God, this wasn't a place for Craig to rest up, but it was all he had.

As Kenny pulled Craig into his room, Karen said goodnight to them, leaving for her own room, leaving them alone. Craig was still complaining that he was going to throw up. Kenny sat him on his bed, turning around to grab him his trash can. "Please at least try to aim for the trash."

"God, I can't even...?" Craig trailed off as he lie down on Kenny's bed, hand over his face, his voice muffled by it. "Oh god, my stomach is cramping..."

Kenny felt useless just standing there, so he asked, "Can I get you something? Like, water, or anything?"

"Nah." Soon, Craig's small muffled complaints stopped and he passed out.

Now by himself so to speak, Kenny settled himself on his floor, curling into a ball and letting the events of the evening sink in.

They made out. They had actually made out, they kissed, Craig had touched him, he had touched him, oh god. Kenny was still trying to convince himself it was real, not some elaborate dream. It was great up until he tried to put his hands down Craig's pants and he fucking-freaked out? Like, Christ, that was still bothering him. It would keep bothering him until Craig could fully sober up to talk to him. Even after that though, he kept actively making out with him, so at least Kenny had some closure that Craig didn't hate him. Maybe it was all because he was drunk, but Kenny liked thinking this could be potentially something more.

Still curled into a ball on his floor like a cat, Kenny fell into an uncomfortable sleep.

* * *

><p>The next thing Kenny became aware of was a loud banging coming from outside his room. It made him jump from his spot on the floor, groggy and disoriented from sleep, but he already knew the sound was the front door of the house being slammed open, then shut once more. A familiar sound, sadly. After the door was slammed shut, yelling followed soon afterward, mostly slurs, swears, that sort of thing. It was too jumbled together to make out what was being said.<p>

The sun wasn't quite peeking through his window yet, so it must have still been in the early hours of the morning. Maybe five or six. When he sat up to look behind him at his bed, he spotted Craig who was now stirring. The loud noises had woken him up too. He looked just as disoriented as Kenny, though a little worse for wear. He still looked sick, like he was about to puke at any moment.

"Oh my god. What the hell..." His voice was deep and hoarse. Covering his face with his hands, he made a bunch of mumbled complaints Kenny couldn't hear over the yelling coming from outside.

Then there was a loud crash, like a window had been broken, or a beer bottle had shattered. It was glass, whatever it was, and Kenny jumped up like a wild animal, the noise having brought him out of his groggy state. God damn, why did they always have to do this? His parents were drunk as hell and fighting again. His dad had probably broken a window, or something, and their screaming and yelling always made him so damn nervous. They never went after their kids when they were like this, but hearing the crashing, the yells, the screams, the swears, it put him on edge so much, he couldn't stand it.

Jumping off the floor, Kenny crossed the bedroom on tiptoes like walking too fast or too hard would make things worse, and locked his door. Another loud noise from outside, this time like someone had fallen against the wall, and Kenny backed away from his door, staring at the spot. Of course they would do this with Craig over. Not like he wasn't trash enough, but they had to get into a fight, drunk as hell, like this. Of course, of course. Nothing ever worked out in his favor.

"Parents are so god damn stupid." Craig's voice brought him out of his thoughts and he turned to see him draping his legs over the side of the bed. "Yeah, it's not like you guys don't live here too. It's not like screaming like that scares the shit out of you or anything."

Kenny hadn't realized he was shaking now, still nervous. Why? They never beat him, he wasn't physically abused, they never even yelled at him, but he couldn't help himself. When they got like this, there was always the thought of, what if they finally kill each other this time, or go after one of them? What if their stupid fighting results in something horrible happening? Not like he wasn't nervous already, but every time there was a loud noise, Kenny would jump.

"Come here." He barely heard his voice over the yelling still happening outside, the slurred yelling, the yelling he couldn't even make the words out to. But, Craig was there, on the edge of his bed, holding his hand out, gesturing for Kenny to come to him.

He obeyed, walking over, and in spite of himself, making a bit of a strained whimpering noise when Craig pulled him down to the bed to hug onto him. This was all so surreal, Kenny couldn't wrap his mind around it. Did he even remember the party? Did he remember making out with him? Kenny was still embarrassed, still ashamed of himself for feeling this way, but every time there was a loud bang outside, and he jumped every fucking time, Craig tightened his grip around him, assuring him in his silent way that he always did that Kenny wasn't alone.

Normally, Kenny would be the one doing this to Karen. He'd held her through a lot of the bad nights, the nights she'd be crying because of their parents, too scared to go back to her room. So, this felt strange being on the other end for once, being the one to be comforted instead. His face was hot from embarrassment, from being in a vulnerable state such as this, and for Craig to have even seen him like this, but also, it was nice? It was nice to not be alone, it was nice knowing someone gave a damn about him for once, it was nice knowing someone cared, really cared. With every passing second, he felt more and more comfortable, not wanting to move, because he was finally feeling warm and safe.

It felt like hours had passed, but he knew that wasn't true, before the yelling finally ceased altogether. The house was silent again. Strained, but silent. He knew if he opened his door right now, his parents would be passed out drunk on the couch, like the fight had never happened. Why did they always do this. It was like they got off to fighting so much, it was ridiculous.

Even after everything was silent once again, he felt stupid for not wanting Craig to let go of him. Because, it felt good? It did, it really did. And Craig was sober now, he was rational, he knew what he was doing, he was actively doing this, hugging onto him, comforting him, letting Kenny know that he actually cared.

Biting his lip, Kenny could feel the heat go back to his face when he stared at a spot on his floor as he asked, "So, are we going out now? I'm confused."

"I think so? Yeah."

Damn, he could have been more eloquent with that.


	5. Chapter 5

Kenny became aware of something warm wrapping around him. Waking up was always a familiar feeling, but he could never get used to the feeling of waking of from not dying for once. Dying was all too familiar too, unfortunately. Unpleasant, horrible, that's the only way he could think to describe it. It wasn't like people would understand if he told them. But, now it was warm. Waking up was warm. He opened his eyes to see his ceiling. Same old ceiling, cracked in a few places. Same old walls, his name written in red crayon beside his bed. Same old carpet, stained with various things from years of living here. Craig, cuddled up beside him, his arm wrapped around his chest—oh shit.

That's right. How could Kenny have forgotten? How the hell could he have forgotten about last night? It all rushed back to him. The party, the drinks, the crowds, Craig getting drunk, making out. Oh god. It took him a second to remember that they were still clothed and hadn't had sex, which was weird. Kenny was sort of used to waking up naked too. Thinking about when he tried to put his hand down Craig's pants and he freaked out—that was still bothering him too. But, here he was, sleeping next to him, hugging onto him for warmth, snoring a little. Kenny was so confused.

He didn't want to move, not wanting to disturb Craig. It was warm anyway, having another person next to him in bed. It made his sleep a lot more comfortable that was for sure. Still, it was slightly awkward, even though Craig had made it clear the night before he liked him. Kenny wasn't sure what to do. He was used to one night stands, having sex with strangers for money, not cuddling with his best friend.

Wait—was Craig his best friend? Oh god, he felt embarrassed thinking of that. Well, Kyle and Stan weren't his best friends, just good friends. Cartman sure as hell wasn't his best friend. He barely talked to him anymore, much less considered him a friend. Craig was the only person he ever hung out with anymore. So yeah, Craig was his best friend.

Jesus, this was so messed up, thinking about it. Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was normal. Kenny didn't know.

Bringing him from his thoughts, Craig stirred next to him, making Kenny's heart beat with nerves. He worried Craig would hear it and it made him even more nervous. That was stupid. He was stupid. Everything about this was stupid. God, Kenny could be so embarrassing, even to himself.

"Ugh, god…" Craig's voice was still deep and hoarse from the night before, and he sat up away from Kenny, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Still nervous, but wanting to say something, Kenny swallowed before speaking. "Hi, um. Good morning."

"Hey."

Well, that was pointless. Craig never was one for much conversation. In fact, when he started drinking last night, that was the most Kenny had ever heard him talk before. Biting his lip, Kenny tried again. "Did you sleep okay?" He sat up in bed with Craig, who was now rubbing the side of his temples. He looked like he still felt a little sick.

"Yeah."

Holy god, this was almost frustrating, but Kenny knew he was like this. He'd been hanging out with him for months, this was just the way Craig was, but he still wanted some kind of confirmation at least. Some kind of affirmation that this was okay? That Craig was okay? Something.

Craig stood from the bed, mumbling complaints as he did. "Can I borrow your toothbrush or something? I feel so gross. And I need to pee."

"Oh, yeah, uh." Kenny stood from his bed too, leading Craig from his bedroom once he unlocked his door and down the hall to the bathroom. "Right here. Mine's the blue brush."

"Thanks." He kept rubbing his eyes, which were a little bloodshot now, and left Kenny alone in the hall as he made his way into the bathroom.

This wasn't getting him anywhere. Kenny felt embarrassed, going back to his bedroom to sit on his bed. He was still confused. Why wasn't Craig saying anything about last night? Did he even remember? If he didn't, what was Kenny supposed to do? This was stressing him out. It would be too embarrassing to ask straight up if Craig remembered kissing him, but Kenny wasn't sure what else he could do. When he got back, he was just going to have to bite the bullet and swallow his shame long enough to ask.

It wasn't long before he heard the toilet flush, the faucet run, and then Craig emerged back into his room, now wearing a pair of black-rimmed glasses. Kenny jumped at the sight of them, not expecting it. "I didn't know you wore glasses."

"Contacts. Slept in them last night, now my eyes are sore as hell."

"Oh." Kenny had to contain the smile starting to form, because Craig looked so ridiculous with glasses. No wonder he wore contacts. With that stupid Elvis hair he tried to pull off, and the glasses, all Kenny could think was _nerd_. In an endearing way though. He wanted to call him a nerd, but figured it would gauge no reaction, and in the end, he let out a sigh. _Okay_, Kenny tried breathing and calming down, trying to pace himself. Breathe, in and out, in and out, in— "So…" He trailed off, trying to figure out how to word his question. Awkward, holy hell, this was awkward. Why the hell was he acting this way? It was because he _liked_ him.

Without waiting for him to try and blubber his question out, Craig moved over to the bed, settling down beside him, and Kenny could feel his chest tighten. God damn, they had made out just last night, just for him to be a nervous wreck around him. Seriously, what?

"Are you okay?" When Craig spoke, Kenny could smell mouth wash, he was so close to him. Craig was surprisingly fickle about being clean.

Nervous again, Kenny's voice shook when he answered. "Y-yeah, man."

"You looked pretty scared last night. Never seen you look that way before."

Kenny tried to laugh, but it came out choked. "I-" What was he supposed to say to that one?

"Yeah, it's okay." And he gripped Kenny's sleeve, laying his head onto his shoulder, which Kenny found comfort in, but still, he was nervous, not sure how to react. "I get it. Parents are shitty. Sorry you have to deal with that."

Awkwardly (could he be anything else but?), Kenny reached up while Craig's head was still resting on his shoulder and ran his hand through the back of his hair, not sure if it was right. Would he freak out again? The memory of him screaming _no_ at him with that look of horror ran through his mind. He didn't want Craig to be scared of him. He didn't want anything like that happening again. What was right? What were the boundaries? Was Kenny pushing things? He was so confused and unsure of what to do.

"Um, about last night."

Oh thank god, Craig was bringing it up. Kenny didn't think his chest could get any tighter with worry. Craig knew he was worried about it, he knew. He was empathetic, and smart, even if he himself was hard to read, he knew how people felt.

"I don't mind making out or things like that, but…" His voice was hoarse, cracking as he trailed off, and Kenny waited patiently for him to continue. "Um, I'm kind of nervous about the whole sex thing. So don't do that again, okay? Like, it's fine, you didn't know, but the thought of someone seeing me naked makes me sick. I don't care who it is. Is that okay with you?"

Stuck staring at his floor, his fingers still going through Craig's hair, Kenny had to take a second to process what Craig was telling him. He didn't know he was like that, and he felt like a giant ass for trying to have sex with him while he was drunk. God, if Craig had punched him in the face, he would have deserved it. "Yeah, it's fine. I don't care, I don't need sex to survive. I'm…" And the ultimate punch into his own gut. "I'm sorry for doing that to you." He felt guilty again. Dammit. At least Craig gripping at his sleeve with his head on his shoulder was reassuring. He didn't hate him.

"It's fine, just don't do it anymore."

"Okay."

Now what? Kenny had only been in a few 'relationships', if he could even call them that, that lasted maybe a week when he was little, but this felt different. He never really was one for relationships, thinking they were pointless, because he never really found a person he _liked_. But-

He finally _liked_ someone, he enjoyed someone's _company_, he had _fun_ with someone, and it felt overwhelming. Like maybe this was the way things weren't supposed to actually be. Kenny had never really had feelings for someone else before, and he wasn't sure what to do with himself. Yeah, there were people he'd given second glances to. Maybe that girl was cute, or that guy was hot, but he'd actually spent time with Craig and got to know him as a person, and he liked that person.

Oh god, Kenny couldn't breathe. Where was the flirting? The batting eyelashes and sex jokes? He couldn't do that with Craig. Not that he would react to it, but he was always shaking around him, too nervous to make jokes, because he wanted to be serious, to be taken seriously, to be seen as an intellectual and not some idiotic sex fiend maybe. He wanted Craig to like him too, and to find out he _did_, he couldn't breathe.

Someone was there, on his bed, holding onto him, clinging to his sleeve like they didn't want him to leave, and he couldn't believe it. He was wanted. He felt wanted. Had he finally died for real? This couldn't be real. Kenny reached up to grab at Craig's sweatshirt and squeezed it between his fingers. This couldn't be real? He was shaking. Somebody wanted him.

When Kenny spoke, his voice was still shaking, and he stuttered. "I-I-I'm not sure what to do."

"That's okay." It always surprised him now nice Craig could be. People always assumed he was an asshole because he never really talked, or he was mostly unresponsive when spoken to, but the truth was that he understood a lot. Just because he didn't talk didn't mean he had a stick up his ass. He got it, he got people, he understood, he just expressed it differently. Craig's expression was mostly through action, not words.

Kenny wanted to say something, because he was nervous, his voice still shaking, but he felt stupid not saying anything to begin with. "T-to be honest, you look neat with glasses. I never knew you wore glasses. When'd you get glasses?"

"Neat?"

Fuck, that was stupid. "I mean, god dammit-" The heat was coming to his face and his hand stopped going through Craig's hair. Craig let out a small laugh, which made Kenny kind of inwardly kill himself over the fact Craig was laughing at him, but also over the fact Craig was laughing to begin with. He never laughed.

"I got them when I was twelve, but I got contacts immediately afterward. I already had greasy hair and acne; putting glasses in the mix was social suicide."

"People made fun of you?"

Craig leaned off him, looking directly into his face now. "Everyone gets made fun of."

"Well, yeah, but I didn't think you would care what people thought of you."

"Not anymore. I could give less of a shit what those dickwipes think of me now, but when I was younger, I had feelings?"

Again, Kenny could feel the blush go to his face. "I didn't mean it that way."

"I know. But, people tend to take one look at you and they think just from the way you look, they know every god damn thing about you. You wear nice clothes, you must be rich. Your hair is greasy, you must never wash it, or you must be nasty. You have acne, you must be a gross fuck. People are always going to be judgmental fucks, because it's in our nature to judge people right?"

Kenny was feeling overwhelmed again, not expecting Craig to go on a rant. He just nodded in agreement, not sure what to do, watching as Craig stood up from the bed, pushing his glasses up.

"Is it okay if I use your shower? I feel gross."

Of all the times for his poorness to show through, Kenny felt ashamed when he answered. "You can, but we probably won't have any hot water. It's not really fun to bathe when the temperature is three degrees and so is your shower water."

"Okay, let's go to my house then. I want to play Mario Kart anyway."

Were they really going to walk over two blocks just so Craig could take a hot shower and play video games? Apparently so. Offering his hand to Kenny who took it, Craig pulled Kenny off the bed, who was left to follow behind him after he'd dug his hands into his pockets for warmth once they stepped outside into the freezing cold.

Even though it was snowing on them as they walked, and was freezing cold, as it always was, Kenny felt a small sliver of comfort to it. With Craig beside him, silent as they walked, he was comforted. This all still felt too good to be real, but it was happening. It was happening.

Kenny had a boyfriend, someone he liked, and someone who liked him.


	6. Chapter 6

Craig's parents weren't home when they got there, which surprised Kenny. Perhaps they had been out partying and were still gone? He never took them as the partying type though. Maybe it was some other reason. Kenny didn't know why he bothered thinking about things like this when he should instead be grateful they weren't there to begin with. Craig would have gotten in trouble had he dragged him to his house drunk last night, and he probably would still be in trouble no matter what.

When Kenny thought about it, as they made their way upstairs, he only ever saw Craig's mom yell at him once, when it concerned his sister. But, out of all the times Kenny had been there, he mostly saw him get in trouble with his dad, and ironically, his mom came to his defense most of the time. From what Kenny could tell, it was like his father got off to finding reasons to yell at him.

It was about the dumbest things too. They would be sitting there minding their own business playing Mario Kart, when out of nowhere, Craig's dad would burst into the room and start yelling at him about his messy room. Kenny actually didn't think it was all that messy to him (his dad should see _his_ room), but Craig's shoulder would hunch up, like he always did when he was nervous, and he stayed silent as his dad screamed and yelled at him, with company over no less. At least when his mom yelled at him, she did it out of view of Kenny. His dad didn't care.

As they came to the top of the stairs, Kenny spotted Ruby emerging from her room, rubbing her eyes like she just woke up. She raised her eyebrows at Craig. "Did you just get home or what?"

"None of your business."

"So yes."

Kenny could never tell if they got along poorly or great. From what he could tell, Craig didn't hate his sister, but she seemed to pick on him a lot, like most siblings do. Like maybe Ruby got that Craig didn't really respond well to—anything really.

The first time he came over, he remembered Craig's mom taking him into the hall to yell at him and giving him this long speech about how he made Ruby cry and all this mess, but then he remembered them talking about it later and it turned out even though Craig was supposed to pick her up from school, Ruby wasn't all that emotional about it. Their mom was just really protective of her for some reason and made up a bunch of shit about how he made her cry. Parents were so dumb sometimes. Kenny didn't understand guilt tripping at all.

Ruby ran her hands through her hair and groaned to herself. "Mom and Dad went out to party last night. You didn't happen to see them when you came in, did you?"

So Kenny was right.

Craig shrugged. "Nope."

"Ugh. They're so stupid. You got wasted, didn't you? You look wasted. You better be glad you were lucky enough they decided to go out too. They never go out. Jesus, you dodged a bullet. Go ahead and shower. I'll use the downstairs bathroom."

Staring back and forth between them, Kenny was so confused at their relationship. It looked like they didn't get along a lot of the time, but then things like this happened where they would do nice things for each other.

"Okay." Craig turned back around to him as Ruby walked past them, heading downstairs to do her own thing. "Um. You can wait in my room, I guess. I'll hurry."

"Sure." And Kenny was back in Craig's room again, the smell of cigarettes still in the air. His room always smelled like smoke. It was making Kenny want to smoke a little, honestly, but he opted instead for sitting at Craig's desk (he felt weird being on his bed still), and awkwardly looking around like he hadn't been in his room dozens of times before already.

Blue. Knickknacks. Books. His Wii system surrounded by video games. A DS on the desk next to Kenny. It was blue too. Kenny studied his room, wanting to take in as much detail as possible, and because there wasn't much else to do honestly.

He picked up the DS, popping it open and turning it on. One of the Pokemon games was lodged inside, so Kenny selected Craig's file, surprised he'd picked to play as a girl. His file was named 'Craig', and Kenny didn't know why that made him laugh. The game booted up, colorful pixels and all. Immediately, Kenny opened his menu to see which Pokemon Craig had in his party, biting the blood from his lip when he saw from the start, a bunch of tough-looking Pokemon, all with stupid nicknames like ASSFACE, CUMSLUT, BALLS, BITCHTITS. Kenny was a teenager, after all, so this made him laugh. In fact, he was in tears over it, as stupid as it was. He didn't take Craig as the type of person to do stuff like that, but here it was.

While he waited, Kenny decided to run around in some grass and have a few battles just to have something to do. It never failed, every time one of Craig's Pokemon were sent out and the game said 'Go, CUMSLUT!', Kenny would burst out laughing to himself.

"You having fun?"

Holy shit, Kenny almost peed himself when Craig's voice came from nowhere (well it felt like nowhere at first), and he looked up to see him standing in the middle of his room staring at him.

Kenny almost dropped the DS in a pathetic attempt to make it look like he wasn't touching Craig's things without permission, even though he didn't really know how he felt about having his things touched by other people. "Uhm—it was here on the desk—sorry was I not supposed to touch it?"

"I don't care. You looked like you were having fun. Besides, I haven't touched that thing in years."

"Really?" Kenny looked down at the game like it would magically explain things to him.

"Yeah, I just play Mario Kart now. I haven't played Pokemon since I was…fourteen maybe?"

"Wow." Kenny stared at the DS again as Craig sat down on his bed, no doubt about to boot up his Wii and spend the day playing Mario Kart. Again. This was starting to bug the hell out of Kenny. He knew he already asked him about it at the party, but it still didn't make sense to him. "I don't mean to pry, but…" He trailed off, feeling awkward as yes, Craig was booting up his games to play and was facing away from him.

"You can pry."

"You said you play racing games like that because it's an anxiety thing, right? You said it mellows you out. Why are you so stressed out?"

The TV lit up with the Mario Kart logo and Mario's voice yelled 'Mario Kart Wii!', but Craig picked up his remote and muted the TV before it could go further. He stayed silent for a little too long, and Kenny worried he had asked something he shouldn't, but then Craig finally sighed. "My dad."

Kenny would have understood had he stopped there. He'd been to his house and sat through his dad yelling at him enough to understand how that could stress someone out, but he didn't stop.

"When I got to high school, he was lecturing me about how I needed to do better in school. 'Son, I'm tired of this mopey attitude of yours, you need to stop that shit right now. You need to start bringing home A's or even B's. You need to take school seriously and stop goofing off.' So I did. I studied harder, I tried harder, I brought home the grades. Then when I thought that was good enough, suddenly it wasn't anymore." Craig fiddled with the helm of his T-shirt as he spoke.

Having closed the DS to make the room quiet, Kenny was now leaning forward in the chair, listening.

"I don't know. Then he started pressuring me to get a girlfriend. That I _needed_ one. Somehow, something was wrong if I didn't have a girlfriend. I've been hearing that for years and years. Get a girlfriend, get a girlfriend, get a girlfriend. I can't take it anymore. Just the fact that he's pressured me so much into trying to get with every girl I've ever said two words to has made me reject the idea so much. I don't know why he's doing this. Maybe he's afraid his big manly son will turn out gay. I don't know what to say to him, because _I don't know_. I hear jokes all the time when I'm around them too, just general gay jokes about how gross it is. And that makes me feel bad too. I don't want to be with any girls, but I don't want to be with boys either. I don't know what I want. I don't know why I'm saying this to you. I'm sorry."

Speechless, Kenny wanted to say something, but wasn't sure. Craig's face was—he looked close to tears. Kenny had never seen him like this. What was he supposed to say? I'm sorry?

Craig kept talking. "Is that weird to you? I like being with you, though. Even though I say I don't want to be with boys either, it's okay if it's you. I like you. I just." Again, he gripped the helm of his shirt, squeezing until his knuckles were shaking. "Everyone acts like you need sex to survive. When I think about it, it makes me sick to my stomach. Maybe it's my dad's fault, because he's made it out that I need to be with someone in order to be normal. Parents can't do anything right. Why did I end up this way? When you tell someone you don't want to be seen naked, they look at you like you're insane, that you're prude or immature."

"It's okay, though." Maybe it wasn't right for Kenny to say so, because he'd had so many sexual partners in the past. "Everybody is different. There is no normal. If you don't want to be seen naked, then you don't have to. I like hanging out with you too. It's not weird. You might not take what I say seriously because I've been with so many people in the past. I've seen more dick and cunt than you can imagine." It was spilling out of him, Kenny didn't know why. Craig could get him to talk, and he could get Craig to talk. "Sex was always robotic for me. I liked it though. I really did. I can't change that about myself,_ I do like sex._ But, it's like you said, you don't need it to survive, and I'd rather hang out with you than bone random people. I'm not an animal."

"You know, if you want to keep having one night stands with people, I would be okay with that, if that's what you want to do. You do it for money, right?"

Kenny felt like someone just stabbed him in the chest, and he had been stabbed in the chest before, so he knew exactly what it felt like. Before he could stop himself, he was sputtering, "H-how did you know that?" Standing from the chair, the DS fell out of his lap and fell with a dull thump on the carpeted floor. Why did that—shit. Of course. Kenny went around asking for sex before at the high school before he realized maybe it wasn't a good idea that all the students knew he was a prostitute. Sure word would get around and Craig would know. He usually made sure his clients were buzzed strangers stumbling out of night clubs looking for flings. He was perfect for that. "God, I'm stupid. I'm stupid, I'm stupid, I'm stupid."

Why did this matter? Why was he embarrassed about this? The guy strangling him came to his memory and Kenny could remember the way his hands felt around his neck. No remorse, no feeling. There was a murderer out there somewhere who probably didn't even remember him now. Kenny hated suffocating, hated those deaths so much. They were—he wish the guy would have just shot him, not strangled him slowly and forced Kenny to stare at his face the whole time.

"You're not stupid, don't say that-"

"No, I'm not gonna do that to you. If I go back to that, then I'd be cheating on you, even if you say it's okay, it feels wrong to me. I mean god damn, I would love to suck your dick, but I don't want to do anything like that to you to make you hate me, because I like you too. I mean, you're not a total douchebag to me like some of my 'friends' are, and I just like hanging out with you. I'm sorry." He was rambling because he was nervous. This wasn't something he was used to, so everything was new and awkward. At all costs, he wanted Craig to not hate him for doing something stupid, for knowing something stupid about him, for anything. Maybe he was scared Craig would hate him for knowing he was a prostitute. "There's nothing wrong with not wanting someone to see you naked, or wanting to have sex with someone. If I do something that makes you uncomfortable, then tell me and I'll stop. There's nothing wrong with the way you are, the way you think about things, the way some things make you nervous. I understand it. I really like you, you're like one of the best things to happen to me for a long time, and if I could make you happy, I want to do it. Tell me what the boundaries are, tell me what's okay and what's not." He was still rambling, and couldn't stop himself from saying it.

Maybe saying all of it was stupid. Kenny felt stupid saying it, but he still wanted to have it said, to let Craig know he understood him, and where he was coming from. Having sex with strangers was a way to make money, a way for Kenny to make money anyway, but it felt wrong to do that if he was going to date Craig, to be committed to another person. Maybe that in itself was stupid, or maybe it wasn't. Kenny would rather hang out with Craig at his house than run off with random people he didn't know nor have feelings for just for money.

It was okay though. Kenny never pictured himself ever having feelings for another person. It was okay for it to have happened the way it did, or to not have happened at all. He would have to change some things about himself, like no more proposing people for sex. He could always get a job at the grocery store, as much as he hated the idea of standing behind a cash register, he still needed money. Craig said it was okay to keep doing what he was doing, but Kenny didn't want to.

Maybe the guy strangling him had made him even scared about it, that doing what he did could have consequences, even though he couldn't die. He still didn't want to go through with that again. Kenny's life was full of too much violence, and he just wished for once something good would happen.

And something good _did_ happen. Craig happened. They were friends. He could say they were friends. He could say Craig was his best friend. It gave him joy to see him happy, to do nice things for him. To be liked, Kenny wanted to be liked too. It had been growing inside of him for months and months, this feeling, he knew he liked him for a while, but he was too embarrassed to admit it. He didn't even know why. Maybe because feelings were stupid. But, now he could openly admit it to him.

Before he could start to ramble again, Kenny had moved onto the bed to hug onto Craig. Since he'd just showered, Kenny could smell the shampoo all over him. He smelled like a cupcake. God, what a stupid thought, but he couldn't help it. Kenny would think so many embarrassing things to himself that he would never admit out loud to anyone, himself or Craig. "I don't know what I'm saying. I'm sorry."

Craig's arms wound around him. "No, it's okay. We're both pretty fucked up, aren't we?"

"No, we're normal." He smelled so good. Kenny gripped at him harder, squeezing the sides of his T-shirt, and trying to pull it down to expose his skin. Right there. His shoulder. That cupcake smell was all over him now and Kenny pulled him into him so he could reach his neck where he started kissing him. Craig didn't reject him, but he wasn't going for his pants, he was just kissing him. That was okay. Craig said he was okay with kissing. Kenny was so scared about doing too much, about being rejected again. The more he kissed, the more he thought of that horrified look Craig had given him the night before. He'd been drunk when they made out the first time, so he was tentative with what he did. Slow, making sure everything he did was given an okay by Craig, whether silently or verbal.

Kenny was tired of talking though. At least about this. He regretted asking Craig in the first place and bringing the whole thing up, but maybe it was a good thing. He was trying to concentrate on feeling now, not words.

Craig pulled away suddenly, causing Kenny to panic—did he do something wrong? But he just pulled Kenny's face up to kiss him on the mouth. This felt so weird. Kenny never did things like this with anybody. Was it supposed to feel weird? Craig seemed to know what he was doing, or at least knew what he wanted.

Craig pulled away, looking a little worried himself. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry." Kenny had the overwhelming urge to apologize every second to Craig, for one reason or another. It was always something. It always felt wrong, at least when he did it. He just didn't want to fuck up.

"I already told you that you can kiss me if you want. I don't mind kissing." Then, he smiled again, and Kenny could feel every voice in his head screaming at him about it. Craig never, ever smiled. He could make him smile. He did it. Kenny did it. Kenny was able to put that smile on his face. "Your face is so red."

That probably made his face get even more red, and Kenny looked down at the wrinkles in the blanket. "I'm not used to this."

"Does kissing make you uncomfortable?"

"Um…" Oh shit, he had to think about it. It wasn't so much uncomfortable as it was…what even was it? He liked kissing Craig. Yes, so he did like it. It was just embarrassing. "Not uncomfortable. Just, I think it'll take some getting used to."

"It's funny, isn't it? You've had more sex than you can remember, but you can't kiss your boyfriend without melting into a puddle. I'm all for kissing and I'm too nervous to get naked in front of you. What are we even doing in this relationship?"

Kenny felt bad now. "Don't say that. We can make it work. I want it if you do."

"Can I kiss you again? I like kissing you."

"Yes."

There was another moment where Kenny felt like his entire world was full of that cupcake smell. His mind drifted off and he thought of embarrassing things, like how soft Craig's hair was when he ran his fingers through it. When they kissed again, he was still nervous. He would rather have Craig lead and do what he wanted.

Craig spoke after he'd let off him to breathe. "I'm really glad you're here." He gave Kenny another small session of kisses to his cheek, which made his skin tingle and his stomach fill with butterflies. "Really, really glad you're here." They were on the bed, lying next to each other, talking, having picked up where they left off to play video games. It was back to doing what they always did, being who they were while with each other.

Just best friends having a good time, that's all it was. They enjoyed each other's company.

Craig leaned his head onto Kenny's shoulder after they'd been playing Wii for a while. Kenny had joined in the Mario Kart racing and was in the process of beating Craig's ass. "Thank you for being here," Craig said. His voice had regained a lot of the life it had lost earlier that morning. It was no longer hoarse, he sounded more like himself as the day went on.

Not sure what to say, Kenny let his face get hot, probably red, letting Craig lay his head on his shoulder as they play games. It was comforting, but still embarrassing. Kenny wasn't sure why he was feeling this way still. It would just take some getting used to. He wasn't used to affection. And Craig was very affectionate.

They raced for maybe another hour or more, and chatted idly about nonsensical things, teasing each other, laughing about dumb things, groaning about school starting back in a few days. Then it was already dark outside.

The front door could be heard slamming open from downstairs, causing Kenny to jump from his spot beside Craig. It always embarrassed him to be startled by loud noises, like a dog or something, but Craig paused their game and let out a long sigh. "Parents are home. Maybe you should go home. I'm actually surprised they're back so late. They don't normally go out like this? They must have really partied somewhere."

"Yeah, okay." Kenny was a little sad their time was cut short. He was kind of hoping they could sleep together again, like last night, but that wouldn't be possible. At least for tonight. He'd just have to get creative and organize some—sleepovers? Kyle, Stan, Cartman, and Kenny used to have sleepovers all the time, but back when they were kids. Now, he was a teenager, so he felt weird to call it a sleepover.

Fuck it, he would just call it a sleepover, so what? What else could he call it?

"Oh here, you can have this." Leaning off the bed, Craig reached down to the floor and grabbed his DS that was still there from earlier. Kenny had forgotten all about it. The light in the corner had turned off, signifying the battery was dead. Well, damn.

He pushed it away when Craig held it out to him. "No, that's yours. I can't take that."

"I'm giving it to you though? I never ever play it. I haven't touched this thing since I was fourteen. Ruby sometimes plays it, but not enough for her to miss it if I gave it to you. You were having fun with it earlier. Take it. It would just gather dust at my place anyway."

Feeling guilty for some reason, even though it was offered, Kenny opened his hands where the DS was set into his palms. He really did love video games, but never really spent his money on them. He had an old PSP somewhere in his closet, but it sucked so much. There weren't any good games for it. Maybe the exception being Heaven vs Hell. "Thank you." Craig was too nice to him sometimes.

"Oh, you'll need the charger too." Turning to his desk, Craig dug around in the drawer until he fished out the long, tangled cable and pushed that into Kenny's hands too. "You can erase my file or whatever. It's yours now. Have fun with it."

Kenny didn't know what to say. This was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him. He could feel his mouth trembling as he smiled, staring at the game and charger in his hands. "Thanks, I-" His voice shook, but thankfully, Craig cut him off with a quick peck on the mouth.

"You're welcome." Craig was smiling again too.

When Kenny left Craig's house, he tried not to make eye contact with his parents as he hurried down the stairs, even though he could feel them staring at him. He knew they were probably questioning why he was always over at their house. Honestly, Craig's mom didn't seem to mind, but his dad. God, his dad, he could feel him glaring at him when he left. What was his beef with him?

Even though it was snowing outside, Kenny's embarrassment kept him nice and warm. Everything was embarrassing, down to his thoughts, what happened, being kissed, he felt hot all over. Why was it embarrassing? He hugged the DS in his arms like someone was trying to take it away from him the entire walk home.

For the first time in a long time, Kenny stayed up all night in his room playing a video game, so lost in his thoughts and what was happening on the tiny little screen in front of him, that he could forget about things like being immortal. Dying all the time. Being sad sometimes. Killing himself. For once, he felt comforted lying in his bed, eyes glued to the screen as he played all night until he couldn't stay awake any longer.


End file.
